Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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