Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
