my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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