if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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