I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone came in the potted fern
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
