Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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