So drunk its hurt
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
