I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
