i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
