There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
