I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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