my vag is so smooth its legendary
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
