So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We have started to decorate penises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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