I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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