margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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