I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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