Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ttyl tear gas
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
