yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
