can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
