We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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