i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
