bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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