apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize