Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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