You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize