I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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