i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
