If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
