At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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