Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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