his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
