I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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