The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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