Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
