Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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