is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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