I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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