YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is not my ceiling
Yo dont text me then not text me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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