At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
