We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to make out with him forever
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
