he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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