All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
