"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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