party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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