I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
