She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
