i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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