So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
