Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
