All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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