I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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