you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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