i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
