Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
