I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
