i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
