If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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