At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
