Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize