I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
